David: Not 100, but 200 Foreskins! Crazy Bible Stories 6
Our last crazy Bible story, as you might recall, focused on foreskins as well. You can check that out here. This time, we aren’t just talking about one foreskin, oh no, we are talking about 200 foreskins! That… is a lot of skin. So how does David go from being the King Elect, to trying to impress King Saul with such an odd trophy? Let’s take a look at 1 Samuel 18 and find out!
David – Giant Slayer, King Elect, and… Foreskin Collector?
Everyone knows who King David is. Outside of Jesus, he is possibly the most famous Bible Character. The accolades never end when it comes to him. He’s a poet, an adulterer, a mighty warrior, and a man after God’s own heart. Creatures all over the world hold the name “Goliath” to represent large. David was the original Goliath slayer! He also doubled the amount of foreskins required to pay for a bride. Check it out:
24 When Saul’s servants told him what David had said, 25 Saul replied, “Say to David, ‘The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.’” Saul’s plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.1 Samuel 18:24-27
26 When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, 27 He took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.
Michal is a girls name.
First of all, did you know that Michal was a girls name in the Bible? Second, what kind of bride price is this? Well, if you read the reset of the chapter, you’d know that it was actually a ruse to try and get David killed. Saul thought it would have been impossible for someone to slay 100 of their greatest enemies (the same tribe where Goliath came from by the way) and collect their foreskins. Turns out, he does just that. The part that is even more crazy? He doubles the required number and collects 200. Why? For no other reason that because he can!
David wins Michal
As per usual, David wins and Saul loses. The Bible actually says that Sauls fear of David grows even greater. He has no choice but to give his daughter to the man who is slowly causing him to be irrelevant. We later find that Michal is no good and that she is an idol worshiper, but hey, for the time being things are great. The Philistines are down 200 men, Saul has started a demented collection probably furthering his path down insanity, and David increases his fame.
Could you imagine having to do what David did? Killing 200 men would be crazy by itself, but then you have to collect pieces of their penis. Gross. Like really gross. This would be horribly disgusting in the world today, and I imagine it was even worse back then.